Serve the Pasta: What Strategic Planning Has in Common with Parenting

One of the most freeing moments in my life as a mother came when I stopped asking my toddlers what they wanted for dinner: I simply made what I felt would best suit the day. And guess what? Everyone was happier.

Before then, every night, my kids and I faced the “Dinner Dilemma.” Because I wanted them to feel involved in the dinner-making process, I would ask them, “What do you want to eat? Do you want chicken or tofu? Pasta or rice?” They would, frustratingly, respond with a chorus of “I don’t knows,” and, so while I tried to create a collaborative dinner environment, my little guys (and I) veered closer and closer to meltdowns. 

The most wonderful change happened in our routine when, instead of pleading with them for input, I simply decided what we would be eating. I realized my kids did not care if it was spaghetti or curry; as long as it wasn’t mushy they would eat it. Yes, I had to take their likes and dislikes into account, but I could go for it. What mattered was that we had time together around the table. 

I found this same pattern to be true at work. When I toiled to ensure that every single person was happy with every single word of a document, for example, our decision-making became delayed, and, in the worst cases, our functionality would grind to a halt.

I pride myself on being a generous, collaborative leader: I want everyone to feel heard, to be a part of the process. However, I often found myself completely stuck between fostering a team-oriented atmosphere and making decisions. 

Then, I brought my dinner-time lesson to work. 

The shift from asking to leading has served me well. From running major cultural institutions to advising nonprofit boards, when you understand and take your team members’ perspectives into account, you can make the decisions that need to be made. 

Strategic planning is the most important type of leading and decision-making. While you must listen to all stakeholder groups–people you serve, your board, donors, partners, volunteers, staff– at the end of the day, everyone is depending on you, the leader. Only you can set a direction and lead the team to move toward it.

No plan will please everyone. Most plans I’ve seen try to please everyone and end up too abstract, vague, or big, and those plans fail. The best plans have focus, clarity, courage, and flexibility built into the document and in the behavior of the leaders stewarding it.

Leadership is about saying: Here’s what I’ve heard you say, here are our options, and here is the path I think we should take. Then, after listening to your team, bravely saying: “I know we may not all completely agree, but will you sit at the table with me?”

Serve the pasta.

—Sophia Shaw is Co-founder of PlanPerfect: expert-powered, AI-assisted strategic planning software for small and midsized nonprofits. Connect with her on LinkedIn or at sophia@planperfect.co.